Friday, March 31, 2006


I hate when that happens...

It's awkward when you run into your boss early Sunday morning at the diner and come to learn his wife has taken the kids and moved in with a sister out in Riverside. It's even more awkward to run into your boss three hours later at an Inglewood adult video store parking lot handcuffed and "stabilized" after getting into it with a LAX bomb squad captain over NCAA basketball.

Thursday, March 30, 2006


Ten people you can't make fun of for some reason...

Morgan Freeman

Sheryl Crow

Tom Hanks

Dick Clark

Melissa Ethridge

Beck (post Scientology)

Michael J Fox

Steven Spielberg (Pre-Munich)

Queen Latifa (pre-Wall-Mart commercial)

Any actor that has appeared on M.A.S.H.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


So an Investment Banking Partner turns to his Enron deal team in August of 2001 and says...

"The good news, I'm here till lunch.
The bad're working all night to make this stick."

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Two questions to ask a potential sports addict...

1. Have you traveled by plane to attend a sporting event in the last six months?

2. Have you spent over half your monthly salary more than once in a single calendar year on tickets to root for your favorite team?

Monday, March 27, 2006


Is the moon really that inspiring?

"For the first time since 1972, the United States is planning to fly to the moon, but instead of a quick, Apollo-like visit, astronauts intend to build a permanent base and live there while they prepare what may be the most ambitious undertaking in history: putting humans on Mars..." - Washington Post - 3/27/2006

Friday, March 17, 2006


While you're basking in Brackets, St. Patricks Day and other distractions of the solstice…

Here's the road to The 132nd Running of The Kentucky Derby:

(Mark your calendars with cigarettes, coffee and bourbon - you're gonna need it)

3/18 SA
San Felipe Stakes
1 1/16m

Tampa Bay Derby
1 1/16m

Aqu Gotham Stakes
1 1/16m

OP Rebel Stakes
1 1/16m

3/25 TP Lane's End Stakes
1 1/8m

3/25 TP Rushaway Stakes
1 1/16m

3/25 NAS U.A.E. Derby
1 1/4m

3/25 Lrl Private Terms Stakes

4/1 GP Florida Derby
1 1/8m

4/1 Sun Winstar Derby

4/8 SA Santa Anita Derby
1 1/8m

4/8 Haw Illinois Derby
1 1/8m

4/8 Aqu Wood Memorial
1 1/8m

4/15 OP Arkansas Derby
1 1/8m

4/15 Kee Blue Grass Stakes
1 1/8m

4/22 Kee Lexington Stakes
1 1/16m

4/29 Aqu Withers Stakes
G3 1m

4/29 CD Derby Trial
G3 1m

Sunday, March 12, 2006


Get ready to drink a lot of water....

Monday, March 13th marks the superfecta of office talk...

In copy room suck holes everywhere across America (while breathing toxic xerox fumes) Corporate America braces for what is being hailed the Superbowl Sunday of Water Cooler Talk:

1. The Brackets..

2. The season premier of the Sopranos

3. Is Britany pregnant again?

4. Who killed Milosevic?(distant fourth)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


When the Socratic method proves itself inefficient...

Askin' for coffee always responds back with a question.

Monday, March 06, 2006


Oscar winners tend to thank a lot of people.

Among the most common are lawyers, political figures, producers, writers, actors, siblings, parents, children, dead people, entire ethnicities, entire countries,God and more often than not: Sir Anthony Hopkins.

For once I'd just like to hear the phrase, "and most importantly, I'd like to thank J.P Morgan Chase and Citicorp. For without their love and support, none of this would be possible."

Thursday, March 02, 2006


This week's 10 best SPAM subject lines...

*Get Ms Packman in your living Room

*Find other single Christians looking for love

*Papers of Huggies, which is the better diaper?

*You won…

*Smell your best, for less

*Get the pink juicy sidekick II

*Brag about your Louis Vuitton bag

*The Government has money waiting for you

*Aracade Rock star David Rosenthal

*Take just a candy and become ready for 36 hours of love

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