Thursday, October 28, 2004

Mildred ends up at a Burger King on the Left Bank...


Congrats on the Google Investment. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You’ve done a good thing. Just get out before it nose dives. And it will nose dive.

The “call” finally came before game 3 of the World Series. My assignment shifted to the compound of Yasser Arafat. Just as I was getting settled at the Hyatt in Tel Aviv, I got another call to head to Paris.

I’m writing you from a Burger King on the Left Bank awaiting the PLO leader’s arrival. Gertrude Stein would sucker punch Picasso in his grave if she saw the gross display of fast food in her old backyard.

As I finished my chocolate shake I started thinking how disappointed you must be with the Boston sweep. Not to fret, Ice Hockey is right around the corner (given that the strike talks get resolved). We should splurge on a Kings game when I get back into town.

The press is running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The New York Times front page reported last night that Arafat was near dying and sick. At the same point and time, Aljazeera was reporting on their front page that Arafat was NOT in fact dying and was recovering nicely. This morning neither paper had anything to say about Arafat but the LA Times was suggesting that he was in his last days.

What gives? I can't help but think this is a dramatic ploy before the elections.

With Love

The Whooper makes me feel bloated and tired.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Rex has a confession to make...


I’m glad you arrived in Kuwait in one piece. The Marriot seems pretty decent.. While you wait for “the call” enjoy yourself!

Hopefully you can pick up the World Series on TV tonight. In case you’re still in a jet-lagged haze, here’s the skinny: the Red Sox have taken a 2-0 lead.

But this means nothing. Anything can happen.

As for me, I have a confession I’ve wanted to get off my chest for quite some time. I did something no 10-year veteran of Gamblers Anonymous should do. Technically it’s not gambling because I didn’t’ go to a casino but I don’t think my sponsor is going to be too thrilled.

Long story short, I took out a second mortgage (again) and bought a crap load of Google stock the day it went on the market. Linda doesn’t know about it and I’m not going to tell her. When I bought the thing it was only $85 bucks a share. Today it’s $185. To date, I’ve made nearly $250,000. The only think I worry about is the capital gains tax that might show up on the radar if I sell. You’d think I’ be happy right? But for some reason I’m depressed. Last night, driving around trying to resist the new casino out in San Bernadino, I ended up at Target in South Whittier. For some reason, Target soothes my nerves and the world doesn’t seem so bad.

Be safe and keep me posted.

Go Red Sox.


Monday, October 25, 2004

Mildred arrives at The Marriott in Kuwait City...

I ended up at the Marriott in Kuwait City.

I'm actually getting a chance to relax over some French wine while watching that parapelgic Lifetime movie Christopher Reeve directed. It's very moving..
The night has been quiet.

Until I hear more...


Sunday, October 24, 2004

Mildred arrives in Kuwait City...

Three hours after Boston won the pennant, I got the call to go to Kuwait City. Though some might argue otherwise, we still have three games before the curse is officially lifted.

The trip so far has been nothing but problems. You'd think I'm in Compton if it wasn't for all the security hassles that amount to nothing. I knew it was a bad sign the moment I picked up "American Psycho" at the LAX gift shop. It's been down hill ever since.

More when I get a bit more settled.


I have no idea what an "astro" is either. I'm thinking it's some allusion to NASA?

Friday, October 22, 2004

George gets the inkling to write his wife a letter:


The Astros lost game seven. What a relief. Just the idea of attending a sporting event with John Kerry makes my stomach churn. As far the Worlds Series goes, any divorced golf pro from Paducah Kentucky will tell you, St. Louis has no chance of winning. I’m sticking to my guns on this one.

Hope the fundraiser with 50 cent goes well tonight. Last night Karl Rove called and told me they opened a Hooters in China. How do you call your country Communist with you got a Hooters? Richard Marx would be turning in his grave. Condalesa says Season Three of the West Wing is out on DVD. Maybe you can swing by Target tonight?



Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Depending on the rain and who you are with..


I was watching the news last night and the cut-away was:

“Find out how the rain in Los Angeles might be affecting your children’s future.”

Between that and the mudslides rumbling outside my bedroom door, I couldn't sleep. The rain won't let up and the Red Sox won game six. (I hope you resist leaving the country through at least game 7.)

When I finally drifted off, I dreamt that the Bambino Curse was lifted and George Bush and John Kerry appeared at Fenway Park for game 7 of the World Series.

By the way, this been nagging me:

What exactly is an Astro?

With affection,


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Mildred leaves the country.....


Glad the trip to Louisiana worked out! Give my best to Artist. He really helped me out of a jam in Vancouver last year with the kidnapping and the midget thing. As for me, I’m thinking of leaving the country again. It all depends on whether the Red Sox can beat the Yankees at home. If not, I’m outta here for sure by Friday.

Right now it’s a toss up between Belize and Beirut. I like the way both come off the tongue and my Hyatt points will work nicely at both. As far as the Middle East goes, the Hyatt in Kuwait City can’t be beat. But these days, nothing really surprises me. I mean…look at the Red Sox for Christ sakes!

I’ll keep you posted. I hear the night club scene in Beirut is pretty hot right now. I'll keep my fingers crossed.



Monday, October 18, 2004

Reporting straight out of Baton Rouge..


Artist and me just got back from two weeks in Baton Rouge.

Traffic last night at LAX was hell.

On a positive note, Dog racing continues to thrive as THE lunatic-driven cash machine. Riverboat casinos have been effectively put to shame.

Going against our instincts, Tuesday evening we tested lady luck at the roulette wheel and ended up in a skirmish with a rough "80's Night" lesbian crowd that only drank Lowenbrau in bottles. I don’t really want to go into it, but long story short: Caribbean Stud truly is over rated. Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

The only bad news to report is the large influx of illegal Canadians who continue to give Dog Tracks it’s questionable reputation. I’ve gotten the local FBI on the problem and will keep you posted in the coming months. Hopefully our little “Canadian problem” will swelter like the sorry excuse for bacon they continue to try and pawn off to their Southern neighbors.

Hope the weekend treated you well. Did you end up hiring Bruno or was Lacy good enough to get the job done?



Friday, October 15, 2004

Corky's problems were answered as he glanced down at the local paper over a bowl of Frosted Flakes. The headline read:

Support group for serial bank robbers.
(it was about your mother)

“It takes a long time to become young." -- Pablo Picasso

Monday, October 11, 2004

Monday Morning wake-up..

The Dodgers are out of the playoffs...

Superman Dies..

Darrida goes gentle into the deconstructionist night...

and it's just Monday..

Sunday, October 10, 2004

I knew this dude once..

There are two words in every little dudes vocabulary that when put together, opens up a world that transcends heaven, hell and 38 Special's first three albums..

Little Dudes will save from every paycheck for 2 years straight just to arrive at these two beautiful words:


Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Has this ever happened to you?

It’s mid-week, early afternoon - just minding your own business. You’re sitting in a Marriot hotel bar in Ontario California next to a middle management insurance broker whose slurping down his third early bird bottom shelf Rum and soda.

After burping out baseball stats for teams that won’t even come close to hitting the playoffs he leans over so you can smell the chicken wings on his breath and blurts out, “Hey. it’s five o’clock somewhere right?”

My question: When will this phrase go away?

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Vioxx..come's not THAT bad..

MERCK pulled Vioxx from its shelves this week citing increased risk of heart disease. The stock got slammed. $28 Billion dollars in market value disappeared over night. Twenty eight Billion dollars is more than the entire market value of General Motors. All Gone.

Two million worldwide apparently use Vioxx. McDonalds sells BILLIONS of burgers that increase heart disease if you just look at the food. Why is their stock not sinking?

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