Thursday, November 30, 2006


This week in the news...

On Tuesday, building management in Fern Creek, Kentucky were busy escorting a flailing man out of an office building shouting, "I did nothing wrong!"

Reports indicate real estate executive, Tad Lowenbrau, was asked to vacate the premises after attempting to tote a Victoria Secret's bag into the office complex where he works.

"I don't get it," said Tad. "The secretaries all carry their crap in Victoria's Secret bags every freakin' day. My wife gave me the only bag we had left in the house to carry my lunch in, and this happens."

Building management had not comment.

Lowenbrau's lawyers stated a lawsuit was pending and were not able to comment on when or if Lowenbrau would be allowed to return to work.

"I assumed I'd get funny looks, but never did I think they'd bar me from going to work. I mean, the bags really are durable. Not like those cheap Macy bags. "

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Couldn't help but think of ole' Sammy Swope...

"Some of the owner men were kind because they hated what they had to do, and some of them were angry because they hated to be cruel, and some of them were cold because they had long ago found that one could not be an owner unless one were cold."

-John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


It's all cyclical....

Winnie Swope's dream was to be a small town New England college professor of Lacanian theory on semi-permanent sabbatical; all the while hammering out publisher-hungry novellas that put Virginia Woolf to shame.

Instead, Winnie choose the less ambitious route, as head of a mezzanine global finance group at Morgan Stanley. This route was reaffirmed when Random House sent a letter indicating that 120 pages about a color blind North Dakota man growing up without any arms or legs was not hitting the publisher's optimal demographic.

Soon after, Winnie phoned in her resignation to Morgan Stanley and moved to Culver City, California in hopes of writing the next great American novel staring Will Ferrell.

Monday, November 13, 2006


The race is on...

A new kind of colonialism has come into vogue as Hollywood celebrities compete to adopt babies from every country on the planet. Odds-maker Stevie Lowenbrau (seen here on piano) list the top 10 celebrities most likely to be the first to adopt a baby from Darfor, Sudan:

1) Oprah (5-1)
2) Madonna (4-1)
3) Jennifer Aniston (7-1)
4) Jolie (3-1)
5) Penelope Cruz(6-1)
6) Katie Couric (2-1)
7) Katie Holmes (5-1)
8) Brittany Spears (3-1)
9) Gwen Stephanie (9-1)
10)Mia Farrow (10-1)

Saturday, November 11, 2006


Somewhere near Paramus...

I'm positive there are far worse fates than traveling up and down the New Jersey turnpike for three days with your boss. But as I sit crammed in this mid-sized rent-a-car outside Paramus while he's inside haggling over the lunch bill with a limping gray-haired waitress named Lu-Lu, I just can't think of one.

Saturday, November 04, 2006



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