Monday, December 15, 2003

Saddam Hussein was on Katie Curic's Today Show this morning. They were eating skoans and coffee and discussing the new Lord of the Rings movie due out next week. Saddam didn't realize that the movie was the final installment in what is being called a triology. Katie didn't realize that Saddam had always been a big fan of Steven Soderbergh films and expressed his excitement that James Spader would be appearing on ABC's "The Practice." Katie agreed with Saddam and quickly broke to a commercial.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

The End of AOL
Re: AOL Sees Subscriber Losses Slowing


George Mannes' article on AOL speaks to the possibility of a continued slowdown in subscribers. However, I think AOL's condition is much more grave. Though chairman Logan says "the company needs a few more months to improve its forecast of how bad the falloff will be," I'm afraid the damage is done. As an AOL customer since 1999, who has succumbed to price increases and continued spam, I recently became fed up and switched to high-speed cable from my monopoly provider Comcast (don't get me started on their unethical practices in my area). My connection is faster and I can think of no reason why I would need AOL (with the exception of having to change my email address). The other reason I switched was spam, which will not go away, regardless of AOL 9.0. Spam and high-speed cable will be AOL's downfall.

Because I have complained to AOL about spam, they have given me six months of AOL for free vs. dropping me as a reoccurring customer. After Charter and Adelphia's questionable accounting practices with regard to subscriber count and revenue associations over the past few years, I can't help but be suspicious of what AOL is going to do to improve forecasts. Unless my AOL email account serves me coffee and hunts down spam abusers and publicly humiliates them, I can't imagine why I would pay 24 bucks a month.

AOL's customer base will continue to erode and I can't see any reason for AOL to existence in the current environment.

I'm sure I'm not alone.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Market Summary
Despite encouraging data, analysts are pre-occupied

In short, US markets ended the week mixed. Contrary to the lessons learned from the market fallout of 2000, the tech fetish has apparently not gone away as analyst's preoccupation with technology stocks overshadowed any optimism from two leading economic indicators. Though Friday's economic reports suggested continued strength in both the consumer and housing sector, trading ended the week on a somber note as the tech-heavy Nasdaq composite index ended down 37.78 points, or 1.94%, to 1,912.36 while the Dow Jones industrial average lost 69.93 points, or 0.71%, to 9,721.79.

Intel's ability to exceed expectations while tickling the feet of analysts (while still managing to trade at 40 times earnings) was not enough to turn around the tech sector. For the week, the Nasdaq was off 0.15 percent after two straight weeks of gains. While Nasdaq darlings EBAY and DoubleClick disappointed investors with dismal 2004 forecasts, Sun Micro Systems compounded woes with wider loses as sales fell for the 10th consecutive quarter. Offsetting these disappointments, the Dow for the week rose 0.49 percent and the S&P 500 added 0.12 percent, notching the third straight week of gains.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

George Clinton was busted at a circle K in Tallahassee Florida this past weekend for possession of cocaine.
Here's the link:

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Ringo Starr the Landlord Used to be a fun landlord. However, since Ringo went on the wagon he just doesn't seem to be the life of the party anymore. In fact all he talks about lately is his late paying pesky tenants. Ringo complains how can't even drink Nightquil when he gets a cold because of the alcohol content. I think he's a bit angry about that. The old adage, how do you reunite the beetles? 2 more least that's what Ringo the Landlord told me over a Sharp's beer last night at the bowling alley. That Ringo's got a dry sense of humor I'll tell you that..

Sunday, December 07, 2003

My pitches...for titles. We decided on Destroy Robot World.

Here are my five to pitch. God help us all..

Be Good Smile Pretty Like Ben said, Simple, Anything cool could be projected on a postcard, will remind the audience of David Sadaris's Book, "Me Talk Pretty One Day" They will not hate us for that. Quite the contrary
All Runner's up in no particiular order;

The Medication is Working - Again, it's a comment for the show and the audience that is filling the seats. It works on both levels that way. Audience will wish their medication is working (what ever that may be, their dick, their Prozac, their Zoloft, jack and coke.. ) It's a reassuring feel-good title as well. Can be limitless with postcard possibilities.

Yo-YO Ma and the Fabulous 5
- The fab 5 being the 5 actors, Yo-Yo Ma being the most absurd of all characters in the most absurd of all sketches in the show. This deserves to be celebrated as such. Yo-YO doesn't have to be on the postcard. But, he could be. Plus, the understood notion by many NPR listeners that in the last two years, Ma has collaborated with just about every type of music on the planet. Also, with Chop Shtick on Saturday nights, you will blow the house down with a huge Asian audience. (not that we need an audience)

Destroy Robot World - I slept with it all week. It loved me. I loved it back. Then it cheated on me. We went on Judge Judy. The title then asked for alimony, so I dumped it. But not for good. I might take it back. Every title deserves a second chance. This one could surprise us like the winning longshot anorexic Mexican jockey at Hollywood Park at the end of racing season.

The Gospel According to Werewolf Jesus - Throwing it back in there because it represents the span of our sketches. Extending from Adam and Eve, all the way to a political driven werewolf. Perhaps Jeff is right. All sketches are either about Marx or God. In the case of our show, it's about when Marx and God went out for coffee and discovered after talking for a while that they were both dissatisfied with life and agreed the only way to cure this dissatisfaction would be a really great blow job. However, they couldn't decide whether the cure entailed giving a blow-job or receiving a blow job. Both ideas seem disgusting on a certain level. Especially after the space shuttle disaster happen not once, but twice! So they just ordered more coffee.

I recently abandoned New York City for Los Angeles this past February to pursue a career in writing. In the eight years I lived in New York, between lending money to now defunct Telecom companies and other Corporate criminals, I became a familiar kin to numerous dive bars in and around the New York City area. So familiar, it became a premeditated hobby and/or excuse to connect with new neighborhoods. Some people took the Circle Line Tours, I searched for neighborhood bars. The fading Irish wife-beater bars of Inwood, the "dress shoes only" bars of East New York, the NYPD watering holes of Flatbush, the Huntington Long Island Frat boy beer halls, the Aqueduct mob bars of Howard Beach, the Islip Korean dives under the LIRR, I loved them all.

Los Angeles is a different deal, but a conundrum worth exploring nonetheless. It seems (and I'm still new to LA so what the hell do I know) there is a disconnect between the people that drink recreational and the true professionals. This city simply cannot be compared to the alcoholic fun-parks of cities like New York Paris or Taipei. LA is too regionally fragmented with people on the fringe of becoming shame-infested liars, always weighted down by the tickling fear of a Drunk driving record. I say, let them all go to hell. They are destined to guzzling discount vodka from Ralph's grocery stores anyway.

However, if an LA dive bar guide could bring just some of these people out of the woodwork it could prove to be just the social reawakening the city needs. In an era of a dwindling middle class, where Biff can't decide if he should hire Mario the illegal immigrant outside Home Depot to help mulch his 1,000 Square foot yard in Santa Monica, I say yes! A Dive bar guide to LA is needed.

Will this get Biff to the warehouse call-girl dive bar in Watts? Probably not, but Mario might consider it on his way home from a long day of mulching. If there was a guide to point Mario in the right direction, perhaps the Watts, the Riversides, and, the Glendale underbellies could cater to the well deserved few.

That alone would be worth it.

Look forward to speaking with you soon.


The Formosa Hotel Bar near LAX is a keeper. African American 20-somethings from Inglewood mingle and sometimes collide beautifully with Japanese Tourist, Westchester housewives and Singapore Airline Stewards. Happy hour and karaoke of course all included.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Comcast, Citigroup, Sprint PCS
The trinity in money we trust

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