Sunday, June 27, 2004

Today we do colors...
I finally learned what the levels are for homeland security:
Per The Nation:
Red=Severe (Time to make another subversive documentary. Hope I'm still alive.)
Orange=High (passive agressive government initiative. Translation, "Do what you gotta do to cover your ass because when the attack comes we can say at least say at commision hearings that the public was warned)
Yellow=Elevated (just keep it here unless we have another attack. When we are in fact invaded, and we're still on Yellow, then get rid of the whole color system all together)
Blue=Guarded (Not in my lifetime)
Green=Low (Not in my kids lifetime)

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Lost in Torrance..

So I'm driving on the 405 South like I always do during the week on my way to work. It's Friday and I"m doing all the same rituals I always do on the way. (Cigaretettes, Coffee, etc..) The last think I remember is that I'm listening to Howard Stern and he's interviewing the senior editor for Playboy and asking him really funny questions. The next think I know I look up and I've clearly missed my exit. The exit that I've gotten off every day for the last 10 months. Day in and Day out the same exit and today for the first time I must have passed it. Everything past this exit has left me competely lost. Western? 110? Where am I? So I pull off at the nearest exit. (not knowing if I'm in the twighlight zone or what)and get back on the free way going North. But getting off my work exit going North, positions me in a place I've never been before and I continue to stay lost. It seems like a bad dream at this point. I'm clearly going to be late for work and I find myself in the suburban jungle of border line Torrance going 25 miles an hour through tree lined square lot house streets. Did I black out completely? I mean I guess I couldn't totally black out because I was driving the car. Nothing looks familar. Eventually I guess my way back onto Crenshaw after about 15 minutes. But that half an hour journey came out of nowhere.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Father's Day Mystery

Father's Day at Hollywood Park. Big Payoffs for the cigar Smoking, big gut meat eaters that afternoon, granted too much Miller Draft on a justified Daddy's Day of betting. Free China was the most mysterious payoff at $39.20 in the sixth race. Ridden by Sorenson, in his only race all day, one couldn't help but wonder about Mob ties. Some say the Chinese Mob only functions below Canal Street back East. I have reservations after a race like that.

Monday, June 21, 2004

In Other News...

Dr Seuss and Salvador Dali are the same person!
Today an anonymous benefactor donated to the Metro Museum of Art nearly 5,000 sketches of Salavador Dali of what authenticators are calling the identical strokes of Dr. Suess. This has international curators scrambling to conceded that they are in fact one and the same person!

Top Ten reasons Snoop Dog is getting a divorce:
1. It's purely economic. Interest rate hikes expected in June 04 and despite Snoop's 90% consensus theory from the FOMC that the Bond market has priced in the interest rate increase, well, he got sick of the bitch lecturing him about being on the weed.
2. She refuses to have any more kids
3. She's sick of being referred to as Dog's Wife.
4. She had an affair with Post-Stroke Luther Vandros, and Snoop's heart has never been the same.
5. Being pulled over in the Hummer ever time she leaves the compound and stripped searched for weapons and drugs outside the AM/PM is no way for a wife to live.
6. Wives aren't good for Porno sales. (especially after the AIDS outbreak).
7. His wife found out he sleeps with other women.
8. Lil' Kim told her Snoop was having an affair as revenge. She never forgave him for that Camcorder stunt he pulled at Puffy's Hampton Party last year.
9. Just cuz it ain't' been done yet son.
10. What ever Richard Pryor does, Snoop now emulates. One Divorce down, two more to go.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Is this Your Idea of a Cruel Joke?

At my local coffee shop sits a cardboard box near the door that reads, "Prison Self-Help Book Drive. Please dontate!" The box has been there for a few weeks now and the only book donation so far is entitled : "How to accomplish twice as much in half the time."

Monday, June 07, 2004

Ken Burns was in line behind me at Starbucks this morning...he wouldn't shut up about the Civil War.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

The Day Reagan Died...

The great communicator has gone gently into the early morning. Out here on West Coast time, Saturday is the day of condensed communication. The carloads of male and female couples alike, hit the early dawn freeways. All the day to day struggle and strife contained all week, pent up is here. Things that were too burdensome to speak of in an earlier less uncomfortable moment, get condensed into 10 second sound bites on the errand run bandwagon.

"I told you the reason I got home late on Wed.was for that meeting." Stop light.
"I don't have time to tell you everything." Drop off check at the bank.
"Did you hear a word I just said?" Stop by Trader Joe's for fat free milk.
"I said skim milk." Stop by Home Depot to pick up something for the lawn.
"You picked up something for the lawn last week. Why do we need to stop by there again?"

And around and around the draddle goes as Saturday morning falls quickly into late afternoon tired bones as sleep begins to beg for catch up.

"All I want to do is take a nap."
"You promised that we would go tonight."
"I know what I said."
"Do you keep you're promises?"
"Yes I keep my promises."

The radio in the car announces Reagan's passing.

This radio memorial moment is for the fathers from every lawn kept neighborhood that had voted for him (twice), and every kid who got the shit scared out of them from the message of saying no to drugs would grant entrance into a life of immortality. Len Bias's death, and Nancy Regan's appearance on Different Strokes solidified this notion.

Twenty years later...they found themselves driving around LA struggling to communicate the few words left in the vocabulary that made sense to each other.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

In other news..

The markets were flat today as everyone waits to react to the unemployment numbers report on Friday. Traders and Bankers alike are still hung over and sunburned from Memorial day weekend in the Hamptons. No one feels like shaking things up until Friday when the political spin hits non-farm payroll employment findings. Wall-Mart will either be beloved or demonized depending on which political party goes to press first. In the meantime, not unlike today, traders can't wait to grab a pint down at the South Street Seaport with their secretaries. Killing time with beer and secretaries could prove to fall into the dangerous cliche that idle hands are in fact the devil's plaything, but it is a wait and see market. (At least until the FOMC meets later in June to decide the cost of money.) Even with lower oil barrel prices today, most traders and bankers will wait and hedge their bets on Friday.

Also on Friday, watch the OTB on Canal street transform itself into a healthy mix of drunk novice gamblers throwing down high volume cash on their way out to Martha's Vineyard, as Smarty Jones tries to win the Triple Crown at Belmont this weekend. Smarty traveled 100 miles today through three Police State-escorts (Pennsylvania, New Jersey and New York) on his way to Belmont and the Triple Crown.

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