Friday, February 13, 2004

Something about those Pot Pies...

He had seen the old black woman on the street outside Boston Market with oxygen tubs through her nose. At first glance she seemed old. Maybe 70. But at second glance, you could tell that the bones were still strong but weathered. She couldn't have been more than fifty. Aging into the Westchester evening, two cops sat behind us. We were having the damndist time trying to figure out the ramifications of the Comcast/Disney merger. Meanwhile, two cops who "can't say enough about Boston Market" medicate themselves with chicken while somewhere in Santa Monica there's a landlord conspiring to steal tenant deposits to funnel into an over inflated housing market. Over the Boston Market potpie we conspired about the legalities of playing dumb in these kinds of situations. Is it illegal, if you don’t' know if it's Illegal? When did you know that it was illegal to hire Chinese Mafia to intimidate old Mickey the landlord?" As the WWII Holocaust, Oliver North, ENRON, and Pete Rose will tell you, it's not what you know, it's what you didn't know and when did you not know it. "Is that wrong?" Should I have not done that? If I had known that this kind of thing was frowned upon, I would have never." Joseph Liberman said, "some of the worst atrocities are committed because they are legal." That being said, She-Bop leaned into the plastic mold booth to confirm with the cops what we had already known since the Lakers started losing: This city was whack.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

More good feedback from the Bloomberg article:

I read your article on Bloomberg. I have to say I was both very
impressed with your keen insight, I thought it was conscienous of you to bring to
light these terrible problems and at the same time I was shocked as to
the magnitude of the problem and the danger it poses to our society.
Up until I read your article I had know idea we had a drug problem with
the elephant population here in the US. You are right, sir, it is scary.
Elephants on cocaine? Sweet mother of God, I can only imagine the havoc
that this development would raise on elephant families and elephant
communities. If one of these drugged out pacaderms gets loose in our
neighborhoods the devastation would be on a massive scale. What do the
authorities think is going to stop them? Peanuts? No we have to put
agents on our borders with Mexico to prevent the drug lords from selling their
evil wares to these unsuspecting creatures.

Anyway, great editorial... keep up the good work.

Christina Aguilera

Monday, February 09, 2004

Dear Justin Timberlake,

You are the biggest Uncle Tom of all and sadly you have let me down in a way that can only brings me sadness. Oh, Poor little Justin.

You have shamed CBS, Janet Jackson, Janet Jackson's Breast, Stevie Wonder (you almost sound like him), The NFL, your fans, Brittany Spears, Brittany Murphy, Justin Timberlake. Oh wait you are Justin Timberlake. You're from Memphis right? I like your music. You and your cute suit last night, applogizing on the grammys. Did CBS beat you Justin? Did they threaten you and say you'd never work another Super Bowl? Did CBS accuse you of Rape? Not of Janet Jackson, but did they accuse you of raping the american public? You didn't mean any of this did you? I bet for a minute you kind of felt like Kobe Bryant. But Kobe Bryant has real problems. He's got Russian mobsters in El Segundo offering to kill his accuser. Are you thinking about paying someone to kill Janet Jackson for what she's done to you and your career? Probably not. Your a wimp like that. I still love you though. We still love you. I'm such a big fan. It must be tough being an election year and all. All the controversy. It must suck working for the music business. Imagine, a whole generation of children who can't imagine actually paying for music. The music biz really fucked themselves this time. How do you recover from that with out putting the fear of god into our ears? Have you considered another career Justin? I hear Nanotechnolgoy is really hot right now. It's the only thing those Venture Capitalist out on the west coast are chewing on right now. Interested? Maybe an MBA from Anderson Business School out in LA would do you some good. Keep me posted on what ever you decide. Hope the holidays otherwise went well. Sorry we couldn't talk last night at the Grammys..

Your always,

Christina Aguilera

So the figure I quoted was retracked and corrected by Bloomberg. (see the article below). According to Bloomberg, the Department of Labor revised their earlier December count to 16,000 jobs versus the original 1,000. However, I fail to see how. The department of labor website actually still quotes non-farm job creation at 1,000. So whether Bloomberg is up on something I have no knowledge of, or they just didn't like my Darryl Hall and John Oats joke, I may never know. Mixing my metaphors in sloppy rants that a financial services company founded by the mayor or New York City will still pick up is a funny thought really. Maybe this is how those venture capitalists felt at 23 years of age in 1998 selling digital widgets to a sleazy Morgan Stanley banker that switched teams over to Level 3 or Global Crossing a year later. Well, Level 3 has survived, but for Global Crossing, they just missed the boat.

Friday, February 06, 2004

Lost in Translation with Stocks....
Another Japan?

The continued stock fetish needs to be laid to rest. We are in a different era. For Bloomberg to devote an entire article on (Chet Currier’s, “Stock Market Can Survive a Rise in Interest Rates”) the notion that interest rates will eventually go up and it’s effect on the stock market is a waste of breath. Stock performance has little effect on the majority of Americans. Yes, their 401K probably look better these past few quarters, but it doesn’t mean a damn thing because they can’t touch it without penalty. With higher rates will emerge an entire class of Americans who suddenly can’t afford the house payment they committed to in the housing boom. This focus on stock performance also doesn’t take into account the disease of credit card debt plaguing Americans like an elephant in the room on crack that everyone pretends to ignore.

Job numbers for January again look embarrassingly low, but 112,000 better than December. Non-farm payroll for December? 1,000. That’s right, 1,000. Where was that in the news? (maybe because of the holidays and we have other reasons to be depressed). 1,000 is less people than a Hall and Oats concert in Des Moines. Granted, December is a slow month, but where’s the press on 1,000 jobs for the entire month of December?

What’s really at issue here with regard to the Fed Funds Rate is whether or not we are going to become another Japan. In an election year, FFR is no more or less prone to rising or falling. However, if rates go up, the effect on individuals Time Warner, Pfizer and Cisco stocks is the least of our worries. Corporations will always be able to manage their debt. That’s what stockholders are for. Everyday Americans. Well, that’s a different story.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Top ten things to worry about in an election year:
janet jackson's breast
The FCC Doing an investigation into the nature of Janet Jackson's Breast
Justin Timberlake selling out
Two headed babies
interest rates going up
Rosie O'Donnel not going away
Using the Word "Tandem" parking as an issue
Greenspan dying
TIVO as new demographic monitoring device
Where is Saddam Huseinn anyway? He's been really, really quiet. 10-1 he's in French Riviera broasting

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Top Ten Reasons to care about the Super Bowl
Janet Jackson's breast
TIVO to see Janet Jackson's Breast
Chicken Breast (white meat) comes now with Domino's Pizza. Remember when it was just pizza and that was enough?
The money you lost betting online
The money you will lose next year betting online
Next year it might be in California and the Lingere Bowl will be moved to Hollywood Park. That's okay, as long as you are able to gamble.
Chicks that show up for Super Bowl Parties (particularily Daddy's little girl types that show up for Super Bowl parties and end up passed out in gucamole dip after downing a fifth of Absolute)
Commercials to talk about at work with your co-workers in case they don't care for football
and the top reason:
If being reduced to a cultural demographic isn't American enough for you in an election year..then..well...I don't know what is.

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