Friday, December 30, 2005


top 10 things least likely to qualify as a stocking stuffer...

10. continent of antartica
9. nanotechnology
8. commemorative aniversary re-release of deep throat
7. made in china plastic replica of oj simpson's heisman trophy
6. arabic version of dicken's bleak house -unabridged
5. 2 for 1 gift certificate from route 1 happy ending massage house fallujah
4. shea stadium
3. pottery barn cd - best of wafah dufour
2. sylvestor stallone's original adams apple - pre-rambo 2
1. 10 words or less explaining how justifys $420 per share stock price.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005


the world will find itself in balance when...

Latin grammy award-winning sound engineers find themselves living in the affluent hills of bel aire as disney copyright lawyers survive paycheck to paycheck in studio apartments on the outskirts of san bernadino. conversly, aspiring writers will escape the solitudes of rural life to attempt the great american novel in the sterile streets of westwood, los angeles while aspiring ucla film students retreat to the backwood hollers of appalachia to compose the highly anticipated screenplay sequel to finding nemo part 3.

Friday, December 23, 2005


It's all who you know...

This is how Wafah Dufour, Osama Bin Laden's niece, will appear in the January 2006 issue of GQ magazine. She took her mother's maiden name after the terrorist attacks in the US on September 11, 2001, and is an aspiring musician struggling to make a name for herself.

I caught her act last year in Cairo at a hole in the wall coffee shop in the university district. She mostly did Alanis Morissette cover songs (her guitar playing was mediocre at best) but surprised me with a great rendition of "When the Saints go Marching In," to honor Katrina survivors.

Hope you're well..


Tuesday, December 20, 2005


Reversing the numbers...

Two investors made a fortune on a typing mistake by Japanese brokerage, Mizuho Securities Co. last week.

Tetsuya Ichimura, a 24-year-old executive, invested 2.81 billion yen ($24.2 million US Dollars) on 3,701 shares of the company J-Com. on Dec. 8.

The same day a Mizuho trader mistakenly entered an offer to sell 610,000 J-Com shares for 1 yen (just under 1 US Cent) each. The Trader meant to enter an offer of 610,000 J-Com shares for 1 share ($5,258 US Dollars).

Ichimura subsequently sold all of his J-Com stocks on Tuesday when they surged to 912,000 yen (US$7,862) each, pocketing more than 560 million yen (US $4.8 million) in five days.

The blunder cost Mizuho nearly 40 billion yen (US $333 million).

It reminds me of when Uncle Broncochio misread the vicodin bottle reading, “take 1 every 8 hours,” to "take 8 every 1 hour.”

I think we’re all still paying for that one…

Cash Frock...

Sunday, December 18, 2005


Just because markets are efficient, doesn't make it right...

I'm stuck in a downtown Mexico City hotel until Friday.

Fortunately, Christmas is in full swing with its lights, poor people and pollution.

The man I bought your present from (it should arrive Thursday) wore a cattle skull bolo tie with a Metallica Master of Puppets t-shirt, and couldn't stop talking about his cousin that lives in Hacienda Heights. Once he realized I couldn't possibly know his cousin (not sure he realized how big L.A is), all he wanted to talk about was King Kong. Here's what I learned from my limited Spanish...

Pre-Kong, the most expensive movies ever made were:

1. "Cleopatra," with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, directed by Joseph Mankiewicz in 1963, for 286.4 million dollars (in 2005 money).
2. "Titanic," by James Cameron (1997) for 247 million dollars.
3. Two years later, "Waterworld," directed by Kevin Costner, cost 229 million dollars.
4. Terminator 3," the latest film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger before he become California governor, cost 216 million dollars in 2003.
5. "Spider-Man 2" was made in 2004 for 210 million dollars.
6. Wild Wild West" with Will Smith for 203.8 million dollars in 1999

Kong now takes the #6 Slot at $207 million.



Thursday, December 15, 2005


This just in...

Iraqis voted in a historic parliamentary election Thursday, with strong turnout reported in Sunni Arab areas and even a shortage of ballots in some precincts. Because of the large turnout, the Iraqi election commission met in emergency session and extended voting for one hour after long lines were reported at many sites. I almost voted for our current L.A. mayor earlier in the year, but I'm claustrophobic and the voting booths tended to be unsanitary.

Hope you are well...
Cash Frock

Monday, December 12, 2005


All because of Tookie…

Monday, December 13, 2005 - 12:11 AM (EST)
Cornel West opens the door to his Princeton Office...

12:15 AM
West cracks open a bottle of Scotch...

West lights a blunt he scored from a grad student working at a Trenton health clinic...

3:01 AM
Tookie Williams is executed. West falls to the ground and finds God...

Maureen Dowd calls and start's bitchin' about the lackluster sales on her new book. The whole things ends in a bitter screaming match...

3:30 AM
Cornel West stumbles to his leased Lexus and drives 3 miles home to his condo.

West arrives home and makes sure to take some tylenol...

Cornel turns out the light and thinks to himself:

"Tomorrow's Black History class is gonna suck. Then I got Camus at Noon…"


Mildred subverts the dominant x-mas paradigm

Three weeks stranded in Tel Aviv gives you time to radically reevaluate.
Last night, it occured to me:

Make Christmas a holiday every OTHER year.

Imagine. A whole three months of financial, emotional and frivolous expectations GONE! Less Americans drowning in debt. No more getting up at 4AM for department store sales every year to convince yourself you saved $100 (despite spending $300). In the Christmas off years, Wall Street analyst will track the effects of consumer SAVINGS! (not just consumer spending) Besides, those who really care about the holiday will celebrate it anyway. It will still be acknowledged more often than the Olympics. Just not EVERY YEAR...

As for the assignment, the job's dull but the nightlife makes Miami Beach resemble a coldasac Tupperware party in suburban St. Louis. Off to Japan on Tuesday.


Saturday, December 10, 2005


It's all in the numbers…

A 10-year Treasury note trading at 4.29%=

Fumbling up a c-note at the 21 Club on a Tuesday afternoon while waiting for car service to take you out to South Hampton for a 2-week vacation.

A 10-year Treasury note trading at 6.25%=

Stealing 5 bucks from your roommate's purse then splitting to the 7-11 for a 6-pack of Colt 45 and Marlboro 100s while hiding the cement glue you put down your pants from aisle 4.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


LONDON Yelping….

Three months ago, a cocaine scandal threatened to end Kate Moss' career. Now her image is helping to fuel a remarkable comeback thanks to the PCMM (Predictable Career Model for Models)

Tracing her comeback historically points to nothing less than success for the future.

Per the PCMM scenario so far:

Model gets caught getting high.
Model denies getting high.
Model admits getting high.
Model dates Rock Star who continues to get high.
Model goes to rehab.
Model gets out of rehab.
Model calls PR Firm.
Model puts up collateral=
Model has comeback.

Sunday, December 04, 2005


Dear Lexus Dealer of South Bay,

I wanted to drop you a line just to say thanks.

Contrary to what my Porsche owning friends say, you're so much more than just an over priced Toyota.

The $150 dollar oil change was WELL worth it.

As for the four hours I waited around for the oil change?

No worries. I had nothing else better to do on my day off.

Besides, the coffee was strong and the receptionist was pretty.

Despite wearing a Nantucket t-shirt and a jacket that alludes to Vail Colorado, none of your sales force tried selling me a thing!

See ya in another 3,000 miles…

Cash Frock..

Saturday, December 03, 2005


In other news...

Hollywood actress Kate Hudson instructed lawyers to begin action on Monday against several publications for printing pictures which she said falsely implied she had an eating disorder. Hudson's lawyer, Robert La Strata added, "Once the facts are laid out, we will let the evidence speak for itself that in fact Ms. Hudson is nothing more than a habitual long time heroine addict.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


Museum Let Down...

The two biggest let downs about the Museum of Tolerance in Beverly Hills:

No mention of Palestinian plight

No exhibit on Lactose

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