Wednesday, July 14, 2004
So you want to be mayor….
All those politicians, all those bankers, all those hands to shake at the chamber of commerce… How many hotel banquet halls can you go to for lunch? Maybe you're in DC, maybe you're in Baltimore on the new waterfront development, but more than likely you're in a place like Louisville but much much worse. It could be Nashville, but it's probably Indianapolis, or St. Louis. As mayor, remember you'll have River boat gambling on your conscious, and have to explain to all those union workers why you won't let them smoke in bars and restaurants. But you will decide to put a new Hooters over on Oak street and they will in turn eventually forgive you.
Maybe you want to be mayor in one of those larger mid west cities where you're lucky if you have a professional anything team but you at least have a downtown revitalization initiative. You decide you want to throw a hard rock café in there, a Victoria secret mega store and clear out the adult bookstores. You need that hooters, but don't need the strip joint on third street that's been an eye sore since your cocaine years in the mid 80's. Yes you will be a fine mayor. You pray there will be no racial conflicts. Hopefully the extent of it will be a few burned building when and if your city wins some sort of sports tournament. Racial harmony will be defined not by what happens, but by what doesn't happen. Economy? Jobs? Blame it on Wall-Mart, then make sure Wall-Mart doubles it's presence in the suburbs. Don't forget to throw one in a Black neighborhood so you can blame the blacks when things STILL don't work out for the community. Drugs? What drugs? Being Mayor requires a lot of hard work and dedication. You don't to be bogged down by issues around drugs. You know people do them, you know you can't be caught affiliated with them, so pretend they don't exist.
But if you're really going to be mayor, think about what you can do to get elected that will really distinguish you from the other schmuck that will be wanting that same life time country club membership. Like a wedding planner, you might want to consider hiring a PR guy. He won't do "work" in the traditional sense, but he's your strategist and when you are forced to make a really really tough decision, defer to him and don't question his judgement. Making decisions isn't what you're doing. You're primary focus is the title of mayor. So eyes on the prize, foot on the petal, and get your small small country on son…
And now a word from our sponsor..
All those politicians, all those bankers, all those hands to shake at the chamber of commerce… How many hotel banquet halls can you go to for lunch? Maybe you're in DC, maybe you're in Baltimore on the new waterfront development, but more than likely you're in a place like Louisville but much much worse. It could be Nashville, but it's probably Indianapolis, or St. Louis. As mayor, remember you'll have River boat gambling on your conscious, and have to explain to all those union workers why you won't let them smoke in bars and restaurants. But you will decide to put a new Hooters over on Oak street and they will in turn eventually forgive you.
Maybe you want to be mayor in one of those larger mid west cities where you're lucky if you have a professional anything team but you at least have a downtown revitalization initiative. You decide you want to throw a hard rock café in there, a Victoria secret mega store and clear out the adult bookstores. You need that hooters, but don't need the strip joint on third street that's been an eye sore since your cocaine years in the mid 80's. Yes you will be a fine mayor. You pray there will be no racial conflicts. Hopefully the extent of it will be a few burned building when and if your city wins some sort of sports tournament. Racial harmony will be defined not by what happens, but by what doesn't happen. Economy? Jobs? Blame it on Wall-Mart, then make sure Wall-Mart doubles it's presence in the suburbs. Don't forget to throw one in a Black neighborhood so you can blame the blacks when things STILL don't work out for the community. Drugs? What drugs? Being Mayor requires a lot of hard work and dedication. You don't to be bogged down by issues around drugs. You know people do them, you know you can't be caught affiliated with them, so pretend they don't exist.
But if you're really going to be mayor, think about what you can do to get elected that will really distinguish you from the other schmuck that will be wanting that same life time country club membership. Like a wedding planner, you might want to consider hiring a PR guy. He won't do "work" in the traditional sense, but he's your strategist and when you are forced to make a really really tough decision, defer to him and don't question his judgement. Making decisions isn't what you're doing. You're primary focus is the title of mayor. So eyes on the prize, foot on the petal, and get your small small country on son…
And now a word from our sponsor..
# posted by DH @ 6:22 AM 
