Monday, December 20, 2004

 

Cash gets thrown a curve ball out in Coachella…

Cash recently took a syndicate job touting "Dear Cash" from his Brooklyn apartment. To date, the column only runs in Coachella Valley's Daily Breeze.

Tuesday, December 20, 2004

Cash,

Last week, my boyfriend of 8 months, "Jake" announced he had something very "serious" to discuss.

Over a romantic all-you-can eat shrimp dinner at Sizzler, Jake revealed that for some reason, almost all his relationships with women have ended in some sort of violence. According to Jake, I'm the first woman he's never hit. In between the salad bar and waiting for our entrée he confessed, "you're not in love until you've been slapped."

I don't know what to think. Should I leave him?

Confused in Coachella…


Dear Coachella,

People generally get the rulers they deserve, but your letter takes the cake. You deserve to be slapped if you stay with this guy. Got it?

You remind me of a certain 1998 Jerry Springer episode (aired 4/18/98) where Jared, a Pep Boys manager, tells Doris on stage:

"Why don't you just leave?"

"Cause I love him," yelps Doris.

I hate to play the role of a Pep Boys manager but here's the ultimatum I'll throw back at you:

If he takes you to Sizzler again, it's time to move on.

Cash

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