Daily Theory on Daily Theory

Before I was expelled from community college for setting the mascot on fire, two significant tenants of higher learning were passed onto me: Organic vitamins are better than synthetic vitamins and Chamomile Tea is REALLY good for you. I'm still not really sure about either...

-Cash Frock-

An emotional Mark McGwire told a House committee investigating steroid use said that he would not "participate in naming names" in discussing steroid use during his baseball career.

Shortly after, McGwire proceeded to swing from the ceilings; tear off seat cushions and declare a CIA agent named Mildred was following him in an El Dorado for four straight days.

Mildred,

Don't mean to digress but this has been weighing on my mind for well over a week. The other night at the Oscars Hillary Swank won best actress for "Million Dollar Baby." Among those she thanked in her limited-30 second acceptance speech were her lawyers.

Word of advice (given that down the road you don't want people to hate you). Don't do that. Don't ever do that. You are given thirty seconds to thank everyone in the world and you thank a lawyer? You've already won the award once before. You're very young. You claim to have grown up in a trailer park. So don’t thank lawyers. Even if you want to thank a lawyer. Don't do it. Even if you sleep with them and the sex was great and he whispered "I love you." Even if he rescued you for crocodiles in the amazon, performed CPR on your husband and saved your child from molesters in Kabul, don't thank them. It just comes off in poor taste. But then again, she was born in a trailer park right?

Hope you are well…

Cash Frock

Former Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch was baptized Saturday in the Jordan River, just weeks after quitting his band, drug habits and rock-and-roll lifestyle for religion.

Vegas put relapse odds as follows:

• Leaps aboard reality show pilot in the next month (12-1)

• "Head" makes it back from the Jordan River sober (10-1)

• Korn sues for breach of contract (8-1)

• VH-1's "Behind the Music" is resurrected for another season (5-1)

• Works at Wal-Mart in six months (3-1)

• That Working at Wall-Mart will lead to some other addiction (2-1)

Somewhere in the smog-filled foothills of Glendale, the next best thing to Tom Cruise awaits the call of Cash Frock.

http://www.partypop.com/vendors/4056097.htm

It was turned down at CBS, FOX, HBO and NBC. Who knew?

"A prime time soap with a truly contemporary take on "happily every after," this new hour- long drama takes a darkly comedic look at suburbia, where the secret lives of housewives aren't always what they seem. Looking down on her friends and family isn't a way of life for Mary Alice Young...it's a way of death. One day, in her perfect house, in the loveliest of suburbs, Mary Alice ended it all. Now she's taking us into the lives of her family, friends and neighbors, commenting from her elevated P.O.V. "

Mildred,

The important thing to keep in mind after President's Day is not to lose patience. Trying to cash in on the pharmaceutical industry this time of the year can be tricky. We all know MERCK is going nowhere, but volatility doesn't always happen over night. It's like the saying, "ya go broke gradually, then suddenly." Well, MERCK will have its day soon enough. Trading volume is just going to be light for awhile.

Most bankers are just returning from four days of skiing in New Hampshire or out West (the Vice-Presidents go to Killington, the Managing Directors go to Vail).Those who went to Vail are haunted by Mr. Thompson's death rattle left on the kitchen table last Sunday. Those who went to New Hampshire are exhausted from enduring the 8 hours New York City crawl traffic back from the packed slopes. Sharing the slopes with Vassar, Barnard, Rutgers and every Big East School under the stars is not my idea of a good time. But what do I care? My racket days are over.

As a Vice-President on President's day, you share the slopes with beer drinking bad boys and their easy lay blonde sorority sidekicks (The sidekicks are nearly always named Paige). Though the bombshell sidekicks are easy on the eyes, this is little solace when the ski slope bar is five deep and all you can think about is how you're going to keep you job till bonus season.

From President's Day Weekend to the Indy 500 time trials, bankers do not rest. To them I say, "Enjoy President's day ye ole' Bankers!" It's the last paid vacation you may ever get. To you my dearest Mildred, I say: be patient. Once the bonus cheese is handed out to the rats, you will see some remarkable performances from our boys over at Merck.

Good or bad, it's just human nature.

In the meantime…

Affectionately,

Cash Frock