Friday, May 27, 2005
Cash treads the waters of optomism in search of a real live person
Mildred,
The Verizon Email center finally got back to me about those 3 AM prank phone calls from Afghanistan. Verizon assistant Michelle referred me to a calling center in San Antonio that communicates directly with the CIA. I hope the issue get resolved. I'm tired of paying a phone company to wake me up in the middle of the night.
I must add that Michelle was the best customer service agent I've ever come across in all my years of dealing with the nightmare phone conglomerate. To be honest, at first I thought she was a robot. I even asked her. Here's her response:
Dear Cash Frock,
Thank you for contacting the Verizon Center. My name is Michelle, and I will be handling your request today. This message is in response to your email dated May 26, 2005. You inquired about finding out if I am a human or machine. I will be happy to assist you.
I am a human being and cannot assist you through email with your request. You will need to contact the Business office at the numbers I provided to you in the previous emails. It has been my goal to resolve your reason for contacting us. I hope I have succeeded in meeting that goal. If you have additional questions or if we may be of assistance to you in the future, please let us know. We look forward to serving you.
Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Verizon eCenter
Treading the waters of optimism, I wanted to believe Michelle was a human being. After a little fact -checking from a friend at the Department of Homeland Security, it turns out she was the real deal.
Originally from Tacoma, Michelle escaped the trapping of small-town life for the opportunities of Seattle. It seems Michelle also moved to the Emerald City to escape the ignorance and hatred of her siblings. Her brothers Okalona and Buchuel are currently tied up in an Aryan resistance movment in Idaho.
Yet one thing is still missing in Michelle's life: love. According to sources, Michelle feels she is misunderstood and just wants to share her life with someone.
Regardless, her special talent of responding to customers in grammatically correct sentences, protecting the liability of her company, and all the while providing excellent customer service is unparalleled. She isn't a mere robot mouthpiece for corporate big brother. She has hips (and what hips she had) and lips (and what lips she had) and beautiful skin that doesn't require expensive lotion from over priced department stores. Her IQ is well above the average MENSA dweeb and if it wasn't for the occasional nagging carpal tunnel syndrome and robot like precision, many would claim her the perfect woman.
Though love hasn't happened yet for 23 year old Michelle, there's still plenty of time. Okalona and Buchuel have even let her know it's just a matter of time before she finds that special someone.
Until then, Michelle tends to her studio apartment in Belltown Seattle and works her 50-60 hours a week at Verizon. This weekend is a three-day weekend. And who knows? Maybe she'll meet the man of her dreams…
Hope the fighting is over and your are safe…
Cash
The Verizon Email center finally got back to me about those 3 AM prank phone calls from Afghanistan. Verizon assistant Michelle referred me to a calling center in San Antonio that communicates directly with the CIA. I hope the issue get resolved. I'm tired of paying a phone company to wake me up in the middle of the night.
I must add that Michelle was the best customer service agent I've ever come across in all my years of dealing with the nightmare phone conglomerate. To be honest, at first I thought she was a robot. I even asked her. Here's her response:
Dear Cash Frock,
Thank you for contacting the Verizon Center. My name is Michelle, and I will be handling your request today. This message is in response to your email dated May 26, 2005. You inquired about finding out if I am a human or machine. I will be happy to assist you.
I am a human being and cannot assist you through email with your request. You will need to contact the Business office at the numbers I provided to you in the previous emails. It has been my goal to resolve your reason for contacting us. I hope I have succeeded in meeting that goal. If you have additional questions or if we may be of assistance to you in the future, please let us know. We look forward to serving you.
Thank you for using Verizon. We appreciate your business.
Sincerely,
Michelle
Verizon eCenter
Treading the waters of optimism, I wanted to believe Michelle was a human being. After a little fact -checking from a friend at the Department of Homeland Security, it turns out she was the real deal.
Originally from Tacoma, Michelle escaped the trapping of small-town life for the opportunities of Seattle. It seems Michelle also moved to the Emerald City to escape the ignorance and hatred of her siblings. Her brothers Okalona and Buchuel are currently tied up in an Aryan resistance movment in Idaho.
Yet one thing is still missing in Michelle's life: love. According to sources, Michelle feels she is misunderstood and just wants to share her life with someone.
Regardless, her special talent of responding to customers in grammatically correct sentences, protecting the liability of her company, and all the while providing excellent customer service is unparalleled. She isn't a mere robot mouthpiece for corporate big brother. She has hips (and what hips she had) and lips (and what lips she had) and beautiful skin that doesn't require expensive lotion from over priced department stores. Her IQ is well above the average MENSA dweeb and if it wasn't for the occasional nagging carpal tunnel syndrome and robot like precision, many would claim her the perfect woman.
Though love hasn't happened yet for 23 year old Michelle, there's still plenty of time. Okalona and Buchuel have even let her know it's just a matter of time before she finds that special someone.
Until then, Michelle tends to her studio apartment in Belltown Seattle and works her 50-60 hours a week at Verizon. This weekend is a three-day weekend. And who knows? Maybe she'll meet the man of her dreams…
Hope the fighting is over and your are safe…
Cash
# posted by DH @ 8:05 AM 
