Thursday, June 23, 2005
and now the weather...
Doppler 5,000's 10-day forecast shows no end to the “kidnapping season!”
A rash of kidnapping continue to pound it’s way into full media coverage for most of the United States. With the "Run Away Bride" kicking off the season in April (the fraud), the Aruba High School blonde kidnapping in May (the real deal), and the recent Boy Scout in the Utah wilderness (the good news) - there seems to be no end in sight.
As earthquake season wraps up in California and kidnappings eventually decline, we will begin to see hurricane season emerge. Doppler 5,000 projects that in early August Al Roker will interview a man of questionable character named Dale that most wouldn’t invite home for Chicken. Doppler anticipates that Dale will board his house up with make shift plywood and proceed to sit on his dock and get shit faced with neighbors until the hurricane passes. At some point during the interview, Al will inquire, "Will you ever leave?" This will be followed by a sentimental, "this is the only home I”ve known" moment. Housewives and Insurance brokers all over the country will be spitting scones in their coffee with horror. "What a complete dumbass…" they will say.
Doppler anticipates that hurricane season and other disasters of equal destruction will make the American public eventually forget the rampage of kidnappings in the last three months. If the public remembers anything, it will be that the person kidnapped deserved it and had it coming in the first place.
Hurricane season should sputter out around November. If by then you are thinking about anything but the holidays and what will be the new IPOD stocking stuffer,the media didn’t care for your demographic in the first place.
You’re been listening to the Doppler 5000 Media Weather Forecast. We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.
A rash of kidnapping continue to pound it’s way into full media coverage for most of the United States. With the "Run Away Bride" kicking off the season in April (the fraud), the Aruba High School blonde kidnapping in May (the real deal), and the recent Boy Scout in the Utah wilderness (the good news) - there seems to be no end in sight.
As earthquake season wraps up in California and kidnappings eventually decline, we will begin to see hurricane season emerge. Doppler 5,000 projects that in early August Al Roker will interview a man of questionable character named Dale that most wouldn’t invite home for Chicken. Doppler anticipates that Dale will board his house up with make shift plywood and proceed to sit on his dock and get shit faced with neighbors until the hurricane passes. At some point during the interview, Al will inquire, "Will you ever leave?" This will be followed by a sentimental, "this is the only home I”ve known" moment. Housewives and Insurance brokers all over the country will be spitting scones in their coffee with horror. "What a complete dumbass…" they will say.
Doppler anticipates that hurricane season and other disasters of equal destruction will make the American public eventually forget the rampage of kidnappings in the last three months. If the public remembers anything, it will be that the person kidnapped deserved it and had it coming in the first place.
Hurricane season should sputter out around November. If by then you are thinking about anything but the holidays and what will be the new IPOD stocking stuffer,the media didn’t care for your demographic in the first place.
You’re been listening to the Doppler 5000 Media Weather Forecast. We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.
# posted by DH @ 5:10 PM 
