Daily Theory on Daily Theory

Mil,

I've decided to make a career move. Usually I strive for jobs which have a positive impact on people's lives. But after Falluja and most recently Beirut, I just want a job that will benefit ME. So, starting Wednesday I officially start my first day as assistant parking garage attendant at the Howard Hughes shopping Center in Los Angeles.

Some people think only an idiot would elect to be a parking attendant. But let me tell you, there's a vast difference between a parking lot attendant and a parking garage attendant. I prefer the parking garage attendant. Granted you're trading fumes for shade, but what job isn't if you really think about it.

How's this for a job description?

You sit in a booth.
People drive up to you and give you cash.
You give them a ticket a receipt for their cash.

Phrases I will probably need to know with my job include:

"Sorry sir, we don't take debit cards…"

"I'll have to ask you to turn around mam…"

"They have great sushi if you're in the mood…"

"Take the money. Just take all of it."

That's it. That's the entire job. Compensation is minimal on paper, but skimming is surely built in. Two dollars a car, 100,000 cars in a day. That's $200,000 cash just from parking. Now who's an idiot? Besides..

8 things I can do while simultaneously working as assistant parking garage attendant:
1. Catch up on novels from old college reading list.
2. Learn how to text message
3. Actually, text message (verb)
4. Learn how to fill out my taxes so I don't have to pay an accountant next time.
5. Solve those Sudoku puzzles everyone raves about…
6. Learn Chinese
7. Figure out how to use an IPOD
8. Yoga

Anyhow, say hello to Tel Aviv for me. I'll let you know how my first does goes. Wish me luck.

Love,

Cash Frock.